Well, final exams for this semester are almost over now. Just one more to go this week, and then it’s vacation until January. I am ashamed to admit that things didn’t go too well for me this semester… I am going to get bad grades in at least two of the courses… I may be failing the math course, which is actually VERY disappointing for me because I DO like math… I’m just not the best at it. All I can do now is wait for the new semester and study harder then. I am not giving up on my dreams, you know!

I had given you December 5^th as the starting date for the renovations in my domain. That was yesterday, but yesterday I was taking an exam and then coming here to cuddle with my cat all day. Sorry about that! I’ll start doing a bit of what I had to do yesterday today. I’m going to take things slowly this week, because I have to study hard for the remaining exam, which is my priority. I have a new job, too. :o

Aside from working on this domain, I want to spend some time sharing ideas with Ouren from the OGN to update SilverQuest, the 2D MMORPG project I’m part of. I want to release a new client version and include all those new in-game features I had promised him over 3 months ago. I practically abandoned that project when I started the semester! So this Christmas will be for this website and SQ, so that when the new semester begins, I can dedicate my time to studying without being constantly worried about everything else.

By the way, soon i’m going to start posting in the new blog instead, because I can’t move my posts from this one over there, so it’d be a waste if I continue posting here.

I’ll be back soon!

The new website will have some really neat things, will be more organized, and even have more content; because I’m going to fuse some old websites together into one, get rid of others, and bring some new things, too.

I decided that I’m going to try moving my blog to Movable Type. This is going to require that I spend some time learning about the new ‘blogware’, and how to design for it. I am also considering having my old forums (Project Fantasy) back under a new name, but this wouldn’t be happening until later in 2009. My current priority is coming up with a list of content and websites that I want to keep, and a new plan on how I’ll organize all these things. Then will come a design mock-up, and the blog itself, and… I’ll stop there, because there are things I haven’t planned yet.

I apologize for such a sudden disappearance from all the communities I belong to.

… But life is that crazy… and so am I.

For now, stay tuned to the domain’s main page, where I’ll be updating sometimes.

Also, take a look at the Opera Gaming Network. I am currently involved in that community, and in two of its projects: SilverQuest (as developer) and Mavra (as tester). The forums are active, too. So if you’re into game development, you could find your place in there.
Another place where you’ll be able to find me now is Castle Paradox, another game development community dedicated to the OHRRPGCE engine. I have grown very fond of this community, especially of the people I frequent in their IRC channel. I’ve made friends, and I feel like I’ve finally found the place that will fill that emptiness I have been feeling for a few months now… (But I won’t talk about that.)

Well, that is all. Thanks for coming. :3

I am angry. Oh yes, VERY angry. Not at you, don’t worry! And not at myself, I assure you. I was burning in anger this morning for the atheists who blame religious people for trying to convert the rest of the world to their own religion; yet, these atheists don’t do a very different thing. They describe religious people as idiotic, stupid, ignorant, etc. There is a sort of… hate. Just to clarify, I am not talking about ALL atheists. I am talking about that particular type. Because, you see… How do I explain this?

We know that many religious people are fanatics. Fanatics believe in whatever their belief is without even questioning it. Very often, this fanaticism (Bad spelling? Let me know!) turns into an obsession to seek for those who don’t believe, and convert them; convince them that their way is THE right way. That obsession can become brutal. It can kill, even provoke wars, and destroy nations. We’ve seen that happen over and over again since the beginning of civilization. But you know that story (at least I hope you do), and I don’t pretend to discuss this thing about “religion is evil”. Religion isn’t evil. It’s the people who become too obsessed with it who may be considered “evil”.
Now, let’s analyze these atheists. They can’t understand how a religious person can believe in something without even asking himself or herself why. Sure, I find it hard to understand, too. And, personally, I am not a religious person; but I used to. I was almost a fanatic, and was often described as too “old-fashioned”. My logic was, “If this is what I was taught; if this is the way things are supposed to be; if this is the RIGHT way to live… Then I have to follow it… Right?” And that was enough… for some time. But then I kept growing and learning new things… And the questions that I had since I was very small, but that I suppressed from asking for respect to my religion, such as: “What does ‘existence’ mean?”, “What would there be instead of existence? And thus, what is ‘nothing’?”, “If God created us, then who created HIM?”; I began to ask myself those questions again. I couple of times I tried to stay away from religion, but always came back, because I felt as if I was betraying God. And about a year and half ago, I decided that, if I had so much doubt, and what I was told in church wasn’t enough to make me happy, then I had to quit, or I’d become an hypocrite, like so many are, and disrespect this belief and the people who follow it, by considering myself one of them, knowing that, inside me, I could not believe in any of it. And that’s what I did. I quit religion, even though I DO believe in God; just not in the same way that they do. I think I feel better with myself in that aspect. My mother and brother don’t understand me, though; and they’ve come to believe that now I am an atheist. Well, I am not. But returning to the subject of this paragraph, I want to ask this question. Let’s say that you’re an atheist who used to be Christian or from any other religion. Obviously, you quit. Why did you quit? Most likely, because you weren’t satisfied with the teachings of that religion, right? You felt incomplete, and you were full of doubts. You wanted to find concrete answers to your questions; answers that could be proven before your eyes. Science answers many questions through the scientific method. Theories, research, statistics, whatever. When a question is asked, Science tries to answer it its way. And very often, it does… and in very convincing ways. But not always, of course. Doesn’t religion do the same? It looks for answers to questions that humanity can’t help but ask, and answers them according to whatever their way to view the world is. We tend to call them myths. And all those “myths” are based on something real. You’ll find that many religions share similar stories and concepts, each time told and explained in a different way that supports their beliefs. But religion can’t always answer the questions either. So in the end, we come to the same point: all our questions might never be answered. Humanity will have to continue asking them, and hoping that, someday, they’ll find what they’ve searched for. To some of us, the answers that our religion provides are sufficient. We feel realized. We can live happy lives with them, and we don’t feel the need to ask anything else. Because, why worry about what seems to be clear for us, if we’re content with it? But others, like me, will never stop having questions. And religion doesn’t complete us, so we search somewhere else.

So, to those atheists who bash religious people and hate them so much, ask each of yourselves, why are you atheist? Aren’t you being a fanatic like those you so much hate? And, by hating religious people, don’t you think you’re doing the same thing you say they do to non-believers? Aren’t you disrespecting their ways of life by thinking like that? Are they really so stupid and ignorant for not having the need that you have to find concrete evidence to prove your theories? And why do you want the proof? To show it to the world and “enlighten” them? To convince them that YOU are right, and THEY are wrong? To make them quit their religions and adopt your own? Isn’t that the same thing that religious fanatics do? Hate those who aren’t like them? Because, to my understanding, that is called intolerance. Intolerance to a culture, a religion, a nation, an ethnicity, etc.; but it’s still the same thing. And I believe that intolerance is a way of ignorance. Hating them and expressing how stupid you think they are is not going to make you seem smarter. It’s only going to make you seem angrier. If you’re fine with your beliefs, you don’t need to prove it. Just believe, and dedicate your life to find happiness and stability through YOUR ways. I am telling this to both religious and atheist fanatics, and all those people who believe in something so strongly that they can’t imagine another way to see the world, and refuse to accept that not everybody has to think like them. We are individuals and, like it or not, religion is destined to exist FOREVER. More than that, different opinions that vary from one individual to the other; and the next, and the next… and so on. What is so wrong about that? Just accept it! Some of us will never be satisfied. And it’s possible that we’ll never find happiness this way. Others who are satisfied with the simple answers are in their right to do so… As long as we don’t hurt each other for a conflict that we created ourselves, and that is unnecessary, you should just let each other live their own way.

I know that I’ve made my mistakes in the past, and said some really stupid things. But I’ve never tried to offend someone for not believing in God, or for belonging to another religion. Never have. Of that, I am sure. I have friends that are very different from myself. While often I offer my opinion without being afraid, I don’t want to force others to believe that what I say is the right way. And if I ever really did, I wish to apologize. Because, to my standards, that is not the right thing.

We have to learn to respect, and only then, should we expect to be respected. And don’t forget: your friends might be into religions that are different from yours. And that shouldn’t even concern you! You don’t even have to know! But if you do, then you have to accept it and let them decide whether that’s what they want or not. They are in their right.

Just contemplate it.

Remember that I write this with good intentions. Sincerely,
Jessica, aka Arwym Starlight

Note: I am feeling better now.

I really don’t know whether to show you screenies of the admin panel, or wait until I’ve advanced some more and designed a new look for it. Because, right now, it looks very plain. And really, that is fine, because nobody else but the owner of the website is going to see it, but I don’t want to seem like a crappy designer either. (I am not so good at web design, but I gotta still try… right?) So I am going to try making something very, very lightweight, but stylish. And I am going to add icons to the interface in order to make the whole thing easier to read and navigate. Because, right now, it’s… too… plain.

Oh yeah, and I am aware of how pathetic I must seem by asking such a question.

The plan is to finish that part, and then revise the code and add some things, fix others, etc. before moving on to work on the last part, which would be to write the functions and other code that will handle the output (that is, displaying links, category lists, etc.). After that is done, I’m going to try making a sort of installer for the script, write a users guide, and visit a community where I can get some feedback on the script, tips on tidying it up a bit, and maybe some help to make it better. After that, then I MIGHT try to share it. That’s the point, isn’t it? To share my script. But only when I’m sure that it’s usable and understandable enough for others to use and play with.

I have faith in that, at the end of this odyssey, I’ll have come to understand PHP and MySQL better, for my own good and that of others who might want to try my scripts. And if God and fate permit, I’ll continue working on this script and any others I decide to write, as well as keep learning and improving my skills.

And you better have faith in me, too!

Also, guess what the new theme for the domain will be?

Same goes with my game projects. There’s this interactive story with a ‘mysterious’ touch that I was going to start, but other than writing the story and working a bit on the characters, I’ve done nothing else. Same goes with the other, bigger project, which I currently call ‘Fatalis’. But I haven’t written anything about these two in this blog, have I? So you shouldn’t care. It’s better this way. I’ll write something when there’s actually something to see.

As for RMRKU, we had finally started something, but then I kind of disappeared this month… I’m having trouble with finding a server. I don’t currently have money to pay for one. Maybe in a few months, when I clear my laptop’s debt… But that’s a maybe. I’ll keep searching. We plan on using the VBGore engine, which is pretty good, for what I’ve seen.

This website and the rest of my ‘personal network’ need an update! And urgently. I need to, not only create a new design, but change many of the pages and add the missing content. I want to finish that theme switcher for the blog, too, so you can choose how my blog should look while you browse it. And by the way, the blog’s script (FanUpdate) is outdated. I need to update to the latest version as soon as possible, because the spambots are annoying me already.
I am thinking about removing the guestbook, too. Nobody (other than the spambots?) has visited it, so… no point in having it, right?

I want to look at that Phaos RPG Script in the future, or start my own mini browser RPG one day. That would be awesome, and even before I started learning PHP, I was already dreaming with doing it.

Also, if I had time, I’d have my own mini message board. Something like a more private community where to hang out. But since I know that nobody’s going to be interested, and that I’ll eventually be too lazy or lacking of time to update it, I better leave it as it currently is: a mere idea.

Oh yeah! And I’ve been playing with my Nintendo DS like crazy lately! Especially Animal Crossing DS, Rune Factory and Brain Age 2. If you got any of the first two and would like to make trades (or visit my AC town!), let me know! I’d love to do that.

Oh, and I think I’m going back to learning VB6 (Visual Basic 6) and FreeBASIC! FreeBASIC is great, and I’m loving it so far. I’ve followed many tutorials and learned things such as how to make a graphic move in the screen, and how to take key input, among other things. As for VB6, I’m still at the very beginning with it, though I’m very familiar with the IDE already.

Oh! And I can’t forget to mention that I MIGHT be studying Web Technologies starting this next month, after all! That will be so wonderful… Wish me luck!

And I think this is all for now. Sorry for disappearing so often, but sometimes I am really not in the mood for anything. Please understand: this is how I am, at this time of my life.

http://projectfantasy.servegame.com:7234/

Arwym has a very tiny (3 listeners at most) SHOUTcast station now. :o However, it seems like you can only listen with the most recent versions of Winamp or with iTunes. Someone correct me if I am wrong. My connection is so crappy that the audio quality is very limited and my server can’t allow more than a couple of listeners at the same time. Sorry.

But come and listen anytime you’re curious. I like to play random stuff from my collection, but something of your liking could appear. Unless you truly are into mainstream stuff, which I am not, and not on purpose. Soundtracks, instrumental, classical; in Japanese, Spanish or English. Maybe some Latin, too.

Well, so yeah. It’s up right now, so if you have Winamp, please test this for me… I need to know how it sounds for others. :o

I might be absent here for some time, but I’ll be posting at this temporary blog… in Spanish.
So if you happen to know Spanish, the URL is http://cuadernoa.blogspot.com. The reason why I might be active there and not here is simple: I post about my studies in there, in Spanish, so that I can easily paste my homework and talk about the research I do, and even share it with other students, if I want to.
I did not create the blog in this server out of laziness, hehe. So yeah, lazy me…

Well, see you!

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or even a completely different life.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they’re going to get it.

You believe that people see you for how you are, not how you look. But deep down, you know that’s not exactly true.

Your near future is a lot like the present, and as far as you’re concerned, that’s a very good thing.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn’t fall in love with someone you didn’t trust.

I can’t agree with all of it, but oh well…

I’ll try taking it again some other time, if I care enough.
And if you care enough, click here to take the silly quiz.

It’s like when we went to see Bridge to Terabithia (I hope I spelled that right). Since we never read the original work this movie was based on, we let ourselves be “fooled” by the trailers, and were expecting to see something like The Chronicles of Narnia or Harry Potter, under the theme of “reality meets fantasy”. But we were wrong. This was not a fantasy action or science fiction movie, nor anything like that. It was something simpler, but for me, in the end, more beautiful than what I was expecting it to be. Here was a very moving story of two pre-teenagers trying to escape from their realities, if only for a few moments every day, while meaning no harm to anybody; just using their imagination. And I really liked that. I forgot about my expectations and enjoyed the movie, and praised it for what it was; not for what I wanted it to be. My brother, however, kept thinking that it should have been a fantasy movie, and didn’t give it a chance. He still thinks the same.

And then it happened again today; this time with an amateur game. And I am talking about a game called The Mirror Lied, developed in only 4 days with RPG Maker XP, by a really talented person. This was supposed to be a simple side project to distract his mind from the big game project he has been working on for over a year now. The end result of his brief work ended in controversy. Considered by many as the most original, most intriguing RPG Maker game ever made to this date, it has also received harsh criticism from those who were expecting a game with a linear and comprehensible story. The problem here is that they can’t forget about the set standards (aka “the game must have a —clear— point!”), and for that reason, can’t let the game shine for its own strange beauty. The Mirror Lied is not for everyone. I mean, it does have a point, but… It’s a game with a vague structure, and consisting of a series of elements that serve as a base for the player to interpret a meaning of their own, and create their own story. And when you think about it, what is a roleplaying game? Now, let’s split those two words a moment and think about what they mean: “role” and “playing”. Role-playing. Playing a role. The role of who? And what’s the role? While most roleplaying games make you follow a very clear and linear story and barely offer any freedom to choose what is going to happen, The Mirror Lied turns to be the opposite of that. Some will definitely think this game has failed in having any point at all. And there’s little we can do about that. Because, like the author said, this game is what you interpret it to be. It can be an Horror game and scare you, or not. You are presented with many objects you can interact with, and they could mean something if you want them to… Or they could mean nothing at all. It all depends on your own experiences. It’s a girl without a face; a mannequin without a dress. Yes, there is something missing; and according to what the author has stated several times already, you are meant to fill that emptiness yourself. And I repeat: while this may still be considered a pointless game for lacking a solid structure, it’s also considered a masterpiece because of that. That, is “both its beauty and its ugly”. It all depends on your interpretation. I am very happy with this game, even if I still haven’t found my own clear interpretation of the events that occurred in it. But I am hoping that I eventually will, like others already have. I’ll say much more about this game soon.
Let’s just think about an abstract painting. What is the abstract painting supposed to mean? I leave you with that for now.

It’s possible that none of this made sense… But it’s almost 3 AM here, you see… I am sleepy, so I’ll review this in the morning or afternoon.

I just check all this awesomeness gathered together in a clique, and it’s enough to make me want to quit. And I have to be realist, you know… Maybe I should pursue another career.

…The problem is that… I don’t really excel at anything in life. There’s nothing I am really good at. I can be decent. I can… ‘pass’.

… But, in the end, that’s all I got to give.

It’s not that I suck at web design. The truth is that I suck at life.

*Jumps off the imaginary cliff.*

Smile!

Smile, even if your teeth are missing.
Smile, even if you can’t see the sun.
Smile, even if your ice cream’s melting.

Smile, because every moment you live is proof that you’re alive.
Smile, because it’s your birthday!
Smile! It’s a celebration of life!

Happy 20^th Birthday, my dear friend ‘Roph’! (May 25^th, 2008)

Long time no see, eh?

So, you see… I am going to stay in the current server for now, until I clear my laptop’s debt and can pay for hosting somewhere else. I have a plan, and if things go according to it, I’ll be fine in less than 4 months.
I also feel like designing a new theme for this blog, and finishing what I’ve left unfinished.

Right now, my life is a little “messed up”. Not in tragic way, though. I mean it as in… needing to organize it. There are many things I have to do. So I won’t be active in many projects, and I might not update too often. But I’ll post an entry always I feel like writing, so don’t worry.

You can always find me at RMRK, though. That’s where I hang out the most. It’s not the nicest place for a girl to be at, but if you’re looking for any signs of life from me, that’s where you should look. (Oh, and I invite you to listen to their radio! RMRK Radio plays some great music. So bookmark http://rmrk.net/?action=radio if you are interested.)

Well, see you for now.

Just a notice. Don’t miss me, and find me at http://arwym.diaryland.com and my Vox account, by the name of Arwym, too.

Until then, see you.